Oh, It's Lonely at the Top!

I am number one on both lists, the overall list and the singles' list. And I am rejoicing, but at the same time, it is lonely up here.
The facts are that I will probably be #1 for a few more weeks, maybe months (hopefully not months). In basketball, this would be great, to be #1; I would rule the court. In adoption world though, it does mean that I am closer to knowing my daughter and getting her home. At the same time, it means I will need to travel twice if I get my referral after May 1, which I most likely will.

The emotional side is a little more jumbled and complex. I do want to travel for court, I will get to see my daughter then. I do not want to travel for court, I will leave Levi and not be able to come home with my daughter until later. I am excited for all of the other babies and children that have been referred to families. I am sad for me, Levi, and my daughter; that we continue to wait for each other; I think she is already waiting for us. I am so happy to be closer to knowing who this sweet babe is. I am struggling with the emotions that come with this wait. I realize that I have been waiting such a short time...so so so short compared to some. I sorrow at the fact that I have been skipped over due to being single. (By the way, single adoptive moms are great! I know other parents are great too, but I am partial to single adoptive moms; they are steadfast, dedicated, and lovely. That's right, lovely. I am proud to be one.)

So that is where I am right now, at the top. #1.

On a side note; for all of those that know adoption jargon, my I-171H arrived yesterday. With Levi's adoption, I waited three long months for this! This time it took two weeks from my fingerprinting appointment. Amazing!

Skipped

Yesterday when I checked my agency's Yahoo group, I realized that I had been skipped. The couple under me on the waitlist received a referral for a baby girl. It hit me hard and I was thankful that Levi was preoccupied with watching Dora as the sadness washed over me. It was going to happen, that couples lower on the list would get referrals before me since singles are being spaced out, but it didn't seem like it would really happen until it did.

But I'm doing alright. I have had my moments of sadness and anger and I've poured it out to God. And life continues.

Singles News

As of last week, I was notified that it may take longer for singles to get referrals and have court dates scheduled. There, I've written it. The director informed us that adopting from Ethiopia as a single is riskier than ever. I am still hopeful to complete my second adoption from Ethiopia.

I have let the news settle in my mind the last few days. I am not #16 on the list anymore, I am some unknown number on a singles list and the timeline is unknown for now. I am hoping to have more positive news in the future or atleast know more about the unknowns.

I am trying to stay positive. Mostly successfully, but this IS on my mind.

Rumors

Ever since I started Levi's adoption there have been rumors of Ethiopia closing to singles. It is a possibility. Today another one is on the large forum that I read; that Ethiopia's Ministry of Womens Affairs (MOWA) is not accepting any more dossiers of single applicants as of yesterday. Sigh. It will take a week or two to see if there is any truth to this rumor. So far, all similar rumors have proven to be untrue.

I trust that God knows where my next child is and that He will lead me to the country and to the child meant to be in our family, but it is hard to trust sometimes when I have my own ideas and hopes. Pray that His path for us will be clear and that He will bless this process.

I also know that reading the forums and even sometimes the blogs are not always helpful. I feel like they have distorted adoption for me to some extent and I lose my focus. I have to remind myself to go back to where it began, to South Africa where I held 5 precious babies for a month. These babies needed a family; they had no families that could care for them. Can you imagine? There are babies and children in the world that need families! And I believe that there is one more that is meant to be in our family, not to change the world, but to change that child's life and ours. Levi and I have the room, the heart, and the desire.