Sleep

Today I would like to tackle the sleep issue. It is one that I feel good about; I feel like I mostly got this right from the very beginning. I don't feel this way about everything.

It helped that it was just my son and I. I didn't have any other children to tuck into bed. I could rest when my son did.

First, I'll talk about night time. The first 2-3 weeks, he slept in my bed. We would do the bedtime routine, pajamas, teeth, read books, and then I would rock him. Usually I would rock him to sleep, and I know that everyone might not agree with this, but I rocked him for well over a year for every nap and every bedtime, and when I was at work, my mom would rock him. I loved it; I miss it. Anyway, once he was asleep in my bed, I would try to sleep too, but I would often end up on the couch. He awoke often. I went to comfort him every time, every night. I never let him cry it out; I don't agree with that method with adopted children.

After a few weeks, he was sleeping more soundly, so I would put him in his crib at night, and I would sleep on a twin mattress next to him. He would often glance at me to make sure I was there. Sometimes he would fall asleep holding my hand. It was sweet. It was tiring. I remember the first blessed night we both slept the whole night in our own beds. Heavenly.

Naptimes were much harder. My son would usually fall asleep as I rocked him, but once in his crib, he would wake up crying so many times. His cries were of a scared little boy. Each time I would get him and rock him back to sleep. I can't even remember how long it took for him to finally sleep through naps. If he had an exceptionally busy day he would wake up more during nap time.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Once my daughter gets home, I will have experienced two different adoptions. One of my son, who was about two years old at homecoming in 2008. This would be considered a toddler adoption. One of my daughter, who will be about 11 months at homecoming. I know that each experience will be completely different and that each child is different, but I would like to chronicle some of our experiences in hopes of helping, or just empathizing with, other families.

A little background on my son. He is full of life. When it comes to fight or flight situations, he will fight...every time,but he is learning to control this. He is smart and fiesty. He is goofy and a tease. He also likes to be in control, and I am not sure if this is nature or nurture, but he is who he is. And I love him.

My first reflection will be on hand holding, because it was one of the hardest things for us to tackle. On homecoming, my son was at an age when he was striving for independence, but needing dependence too, and would jump between the two regularly. He knew that he had to hold my hand when we crossed a street or in parking lots, but he would vehemently fight it other places. When he was two I would whisk him up in my arms and carry him instead.

However, when he turned three, and he was much bigger, we were still struggling with this. I knew I had to try various tactics. Here is what did NOT work; forcing him to hold my hand, telling him how much I liked to hold his hand, giving time outs for not listening, and trying the squeeze hands and smile at each other method that I read in a book. He wasn't buying it. Here is what finally worked...it took time, over a year. (and it still doesn't always work, especially if he is tired)

1. Being neutral when hand holding was optional. He would say, "Do you like holding my hand?" I would respond, "It doesn't matter, either way." Most times he would hold my hand then and say, "I like holding your hand." I would respond, "Ok."

2. When it wasn't optional like in a busy store, I would say, "I am going to hold your hand, because I need to know where you are and keep you safe." I would keep it neutral, but non-optional. This worked, still does.

3. Singing, "I wanna hold your hand...." (Even though this wasn't neutral, he still liked it.)

I do view hand holding as partly symbolic on attachment and bonding, and so it was frustrating that it took so long for this to become comfortable for us and not something that we battled with on most outing. And being completely honest, we still have our days where I feel like we are duking it out with each other. Sigh.

I think my next entry will be on sleeping issues, especially when we first got home.

It Could Be Worse...

It Could Be Better.

It was a dark week. The sky was bright, the sun was shining, but it felt gloomy after the fun of the holiday weekend. The number of embassy dates in Ethiopia has been cut in half. That is the only thing that is keeping me from bringing Elaina home, our embassy date. It sounds like the embassy dates will be restored sometime in August, but it puts us back at least a month, so I will most likely be traveling in September instead of August. I feel like we have been already waited too long. It is difficult to know that I am missing weeks and months of my daughter's life, and she is still in an orphanage instead of home with Levi and me. It has been hard not to dwell on this during the week, but I am hoping to be back in the fun of the summer soon.

A Heart for Adoption Sale

My friends Holly and Ben have a heart for adoption. I first met them on the way to Ethiopia to bring Levi home. They were traveling to bring home their daughter Bereket. They also have a daughter named Ellie whom they adopted from Korea. It is my honor to help them as they begin the adoption process again.


Holly is an amazing artist and she has recently put her art into necklaces. Each necklace is just $15 and you can pay by check or cash. (checks to Holly or Ben Kladder). The pendants are a little less than an inch and the chains are 24", but can be shortened to your preference. Each one is beautiful, the pictures don't do them justice. They would make wonderful birthday or Christmas presents.

If you would you like to purchase a necklace, please email me at bpostema724@yahoo.com .

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Blogs Joined

Now that we have passed court and "E" is legally my daughter, I feel the need to join this blog with my other one. If you have been following me here, and would like to read my private family blog, please leave a brief message of who you are how you know me, and your email address. I will send you an invite.

I will continue to post some information on here as we travel and bring Baby Girl home too though.

We PASSED Court!

What more can I say? Thank you for all of the prayers. I am officially the mother of two now! WOW!

Free Adoption and Foster Care Seminar

This is something to definitely try to make it to. I went last year and it was great!

Speaker: Bettye Jo Bell (Adoption Psychologist and Attachment Therapist)
Friday June 4, 7-9 pm
Forest Park Covenant Church
3815 Henry St.
Muskegon, MI
RSVP ginnyschutter at aol dot com

Let me know if you want to know more. Leave me a comment.