Fear

Many children that join families through adoption have so much fear. I see it in the pictures of the children that are newly home. I saw it both times in Ethiopia in the other children, and I saw it in my son's eyes and in my daughter's eyes. It can come out as many behaviors. It can come out as sadness, anger, or a need to be in constant motion. It can come out at as shyness, being withdrawn, a wide-eyed look, or clingyness. With my son, I wish I had done a better job of recognizing. But the "I wish..." and "I should have..." don't do much good now. I just wrap it up in a hug the best I can when I see it in my son now, and my mom is so good at this. She is so good for my son.

With my daughter, her fear wasn't/isn't as noticable. She is most fearful of being wrapped too tightly or held too close. She almost looks like she is in pain and tears spring to her eyes. It is scary for her probably because it triggers some scary/sad/confusing memory for her. So we have been working on this. I wait for when she is ready to have the towel around her after bath. I rock her before nap time, talking gently, and singing. It's working. I can see the fear disappearing slowly. And she wants to be closer to me since we have been working on this more. She want to rest her head on my shoulder more. Eventually it will just be natural, for now, it is work.